On Hiatus / by John Javellana

Alabang Bike Trail
It’s now official, I’m taking a hiatus from my cameras until I figure some stuff out. It’s a personal decision that I thought was going to be tough at first, but just came naturally as I have become true to what I am currently feeling. Although I must admit that the situation with the news agency I’m working for is a big crash on the wall and has made me realize what other priorities a growing 25 year old like me has to focus on. And given the current happenstance, I don’t have it in me right now to put the beguiled idea of clicking a camera to feed me and my needs in my list as one of my goals; such as becoming financially independent, having a secure savings account, steady income etc. Before I used to say that “I’d rather be broke as long as I’m doing what I love” and “Money don’t mean a thang” but even if I am at a disposition to eagerly fight for something with bitter hostility, you realize certain things as you grow older. Trying to mix business and photography for me kills the passion I have with it and that’s what unexpectedly happening right now.

People, especially within my family have begun to question my wanton obsession with mountain biking. For me it’s like an airbag, cushioning the crash I underwent after the valediction from my once sacrosanct job as a news photographer. It sets me free, exhausts my tenuous attempts to dissimulate what I really feel inside and gives me a tenacity that I am still able to do something I want. How I wish I could surreptitiously create a way to dig myself out of this hole rather than pedaling my way out of it, but sometimes you just have to run away and come back fighting.